that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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