Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm having to shit out rocks
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
