i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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