Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
