I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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