If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
