I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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