he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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