I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
People in love make me want to vomit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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