Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
