between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
