just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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