I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
