Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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