just tell him i said nine months
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
