Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
