Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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