If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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