Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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