i need an iv and a liver transplant
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
you never un-have a 4some
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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