stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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