Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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