I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
