I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
worst night to have a conscience
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
