i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
