my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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