I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
