I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
