Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
