That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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