I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
