Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
