dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Floor bacon is actually really good
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