So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
