we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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