I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
