if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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