Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
