You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
