Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
