Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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