Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
