do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
