Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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