I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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