If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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