i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
