Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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