My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
