Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
