I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
