after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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